"A man’s pride will bring him low, But the humble in spirit will retain honor." Proverb 29:23
Humble is not a word I'd use to describe myself. Confident, insecure, teachable, stubborn, though contradictary at times, they better describe the real me. I admire the humble in spirit. Many great men of the Bible were humble and meek.
Moses was very meek, above all men on face of the earth, Numbers 12:3
Jesus said, "I am meek and lowly in heart." Matthew 11:29,30
Who wouldn't want to be among them? But I tend to be more like Peter, Thomas and yes, Judas, though it pains me to admit it.
Peter, the passionate one, often took action before he spoke. Most times, when he did speak, his words got him in trouble. Thomas lacked the faith to believe in things he couldn't see, and Judas questioned the actions of Jesus especially when it came to finances and his future.
I'm not all that different from them. Like Peter, I let my emotions rule my actions. Just as Thomas doubted, I too fall into disbelief that God's promises will come to pass. And like Judas, I question Jesus' plan for my life. I ofen think I know what's best for me and forget to consult the One who created me. I forge ahead, strong willed like Peter and forget the One I should be loyal too, just like Judas.
At ACFW I was humbled in spirit and brought back to a place of complete reliance on God. I saw the humble exhalted in a beautiful way, recieving awards when they never imagined they would win. At first it was painful to not be among them, but then I let it go. I didn't question why not me, instead I chose to believe God has me on a different but wonderful journey.
I'm tired of being humbled. I want to be humble. But to be humble I think you have to be humbled first. You have to come to a place where after all of your striving you realize you can't do it on your own. God has to bring you to a place of complete surrender to His will, whether you understand His will or not.
I think I'm on my way. I hope that doesn't sound prideful 'cause I sure don't want to be humbled again. But God reminded me at ACFW this year that He is in control of my life and my career, and though I may not always understand or like the journey He has me on, it's still the best path for me. And that brought me to a place of peace. But I'll leave that for another day!
Gina Conroy is a homeschooling mom of four, founder of Writer...Interrupted, and writes about how she struggles to balance it all her on her blog Portrait of a Writer...Interrupted. If you happen to figure out how to do it "all" before she does, please leave her a comment!