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Saturday, January 06, 2007


God makes me uncomfortable.

He does it in a variety of ways. Sometimes it's my son saying, "Mommy, are you on the computer, again?" Could be that my husband says, "Did you get any writing done?" and when I start to list off what I did instead of writing, I realize where those words are really coming from.

And y'wanna know the ironic thing? God made me uncomfortable when I didn't believe in him and I thought that was bad. Now I believe not only in Him, but I believe Him. I have never been more uncomfortable. Honestly.

In the years that I've been believing God, I've been pushed and stretched and shoved and ripped apart. Everything I knew ceased to exist and a new world was created. And just when I think I'm settling in for the evening, there's a knock at my door.

"Wake up. Follow me."

"For what?"

"Would you just hurry? When will you just come?"

"Alright. I'm coming."

It's dark, kinda cold and really spooky. But I go. And then I look around and it seems He's gone. Went to take care of something else, maybe. I'm left out by the light of the new moon--get it? There is no light of the new moon. Yes, laugh here. All alone to fend for myself. Again.

While I'm busy having a pity party for myself, things are going on around me that I really should be taking notes on. It'd make perfect fodder for the next story, but I'm too busy telling myself I don't need help. I don't need Him to hold my hand. I can make it out of the dark myself. That if he really loved me, I wouldn't be going through this because He'd make it all better.

"Oh really?"


"Who told you that?"


"I'm not sure you heard the truth. Maybe you should work on your listening skills."

In the dark. Scared out of my wits. All sounds are amplified in the dark. I don't know where I am or where I'm supposed to go. I can't see a thing. All I know is that He told me to be in this place and I am.

He's a cunning one, that God is--putting me in the dark to heighten my sense of hearing.

My thoughts grew hot within me and began to burn, igniting a fire of words
Psalm 39:3

Michelle Pendergrass is a coffee-lover who lives in Knox, Indiana where she homeschools her son, Zane. She blogs at Just A Minute. When you visit, please note that her son is most definitely weaned and has been for some time now. Some names just stick.

©2006 Michelle L. Pendergrass - All Rights Reserved


Jenny said...

God has a knack for that, huh? Sometimes when we think we are alone, we find God has done the same for others, or at least something similar, just to help us hone that sense we find so alusive. For me, that's listening, as well. I want to hear more clearly but then that means closing out the other stuff that gets in the way. I also wanted to play piano well but having to practice every day for hours until my hands ached didn't appeal. It's not practice makes perfect but perfect practice makes perfect. To hear from God, I have to strip away everything else that grabs my focus or shouts too loud. The dark quiet scares me. I find comfort in knowing you are there, too. Or is it another distraction? I don't know, but I love you.

Heather said...

Psst. Is that you, Mich? Follow my voice. Hold my hand. Let's follow God together. In the dark. You know what I heard? That He'll shine His light in all this darkness. Something in the first chapter of John. I wonder if it'll look like fireworks. Or maybe a nice warm fire in the hearth. Let's wait together.
Sometimes I love how God works. More often, not so much. But it's nice to know that he's still working. He never gave up after Adam and Eve. He called Abraham. He sent His son. For heaven's sakes, He keeps us breathing everyday. So scary though it may be, I know we're all thankful He's still working.

Nicole said...

"For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil." (1Peter 3:11-12)
And He never slumbers or sleeps . . . And he will never leave you or forsake you . . . And no matter how slim that new moon is, it's light . . .

Jennifer Tiszai said...

I think that last line just says it all. There's always something going on that we can't see. It's always for our benefit. I just have to remember that.

Gina said...

I love that last line. Never really thought of it that way.

He's a cunning one, that God is--putting me in the dark to heighten my sense of hearing.

So when the darkness comes, I'll try to embrace it and listen really, really hard.

Anonymous said...

I love the way God works. And I love finding out new things about Him!

C. H. Green said...

It's amazing some of the things God uses to stretch us and help us grow. Enjoyed this post.